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Post by TheMaddRamm on Sept 29, 2004 13:58:05 GMT -5
Lets start some fire.  The time has finally come... Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. |
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Post by Winchwench on Sept 29, 2004 15:39:30 GMT -5
Here ya go...I'll throw a few back at ya.  Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers? A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work. Q. How do men exercise on the beach? A. By s**king in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? A. Make him wear shoes. Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals." Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? A. Any place without a drive-up window. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy. Q. What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. Q. What do men and mascara have in common? A. They both run at the first sign of emotion. Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship? A. Telling you his real name. Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes. Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? A. Big Foot's been spotted at least once. Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say? A. "My wife/girlfriend says..." Q. Why do men like smart women? A. Opposites attract. Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow. |
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Post by BIG J on Sept 29, 2004 22:30:13 GMT -5
not sure how i'm supposed to feel about this.....  |
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MuddGoddess
Wheeler
YES, That's MY Jeep, YES I wheel it, NO HE broke my fender...lmao
Posts: 72
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Post by MuddGoddess on Sept 30, 2004 7:07:26 GMT -5
Give the men the truth and they can't handle it...lol ;D
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Post by TheMaddRamm on Sept 30, 2004 7:22:21 GMT -5
not sure how i'm supposed to feel about this..... At least you know where your woman stands on some important issues.  |
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Post by LILREDCJ6 on Sept 30, 2004 9:04:28 GMT -5
Hey J just suck it up and back your woman. Trust me it is best that way. You may not agree but, just smile and say yes honey.  Tony |
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Post by needtoplay on Sept 30, 2004 12:42:20 GMT -5
I agree completely. If you look closely at the wedding vows, the groom is supposed to say "I will", not "I do"  ;D |
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Post by needtoplay on Sept 30, 2004 12:47:05 GMT -5
Give the men the truth and they can't handle it...lol ;D Give a woman a ring and she thinks it's a crown...hee hee ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by IEATMUD on Sept 30, 2004 14:02:49 GMT -5
Give the men the truth and they can't handle it...lol ;D YES DEAR, Thank you Ma'am may I have another   |
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Post by jpnut on Sept 30, 2004 14:24:33 GMT -5
Y'all are going to be in BIG TROUBLE. Luckily, my wife doesn't read the forum but some people do forward the important things I say on here to her. So here I go. Why does a woman wear white at her wedding? So she will match the stove and fridge. And here's to sleeping on the couch. |
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Post by KarlVP on Sept 30, 2004 15:18:24 GMT -5
This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...
(In response to the popular "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men")
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.
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Post by Winchwench on Oct 1, 2004 13:05:54 GMT -5
not sure how i'm supposed to feel about this..... You know I'm playin babe... |
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Post by jpnut on Oct 1, 2004 13:10:13 GMT -5
You know I'm playin babe... Thanks, I feel better now. ;D Where there's trouble, I've already been. |
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Post by Winchwench on Oct 5, 2004 14:13:47 GMT -5
Thanks, I feel better now. ;D Where there's trouble, I've already been. Sorry, but you're not the "babe" I had in mind... |
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Post by jpnut on Oct 5, 2004 14:16:40 GMT -5
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member since 2004
